Buying a leaving gift for someone is usually a simple process, just buy some vaguely funny thing that costs less than a fiver. The whole buying and giving experience can be a lot more fun than that if you allow it.
In the style of any self-respecting salesperson, look no further, we have a splendid selection of glamorous gifts to send your (soon to be) ex-colleague on their way.
One thing to think about though, before you choose, is whether you want them to come back, because sometimes that does happen. People leave thinking it’s going to be better wherever they’re going, realise it’s not, and come back. I’ve seen that happen many times.
If you don’t want them to come back you can safely choose something offensive like the don’t be a cunt candle. Of course, if you get that, you’re not suggesting that they ARE a cunt, far from it, you’re just giving them some useful advice which you can be sure will serve them for years to come in their
new job.
If you do want them to come back, then I guess it would be better to get something nice. We do sell
nice things, so don’t worry. Yeah, like the bum flower man coaster, that’s nice isn’t it? Or the tight wet pussy candle, that is definitely nice.
Oh yeah, and you need to think of the environment and what you can get away with.
Maybe it’d be ok to give them a cooking with semen book or a dried wank sock candle, or maybe that would be frowned upon by all of the important and sensible people you work with. You don’t want to end up being the next person to receive a leaving present!
OK, I’ll give you my recommendations in three categories from the rudest leaving gifts to the safest that even the most delicate snowflake could handle without crying.
Rudest: The classic aged smegma candle, or the do you want to munch the greasy discharge from my drip tray mug. These are quite disgusting in the best possible way, of course.
Funny: Another very popular choice which is the have a nice poo candle, or the poo particles badge. Everyone loves poo related gifts even if they
don’t realise it.
Bland: The mildly amusing and quite harmless stinky wet dog soap bottle or the for you to insult me mug. Although this one is harmless I do like the sentiment, check it out.
Actually now I think of it, coasters are a pretty good choice, they’re something that will be used, and will help the poor sad fuck who is leaving, to remember you lovely people.
I don’t know really, I’m supposed to say something very informative and wise here so that you can feel nicely guided into making the right decision, but ultimately you have to work it out for yourself. My general advice would be to go for something a little more naughty and rude then you think you should, I mean, what is the worst that can happen?
That was a rhetorical question. I think.
