Witty messages for rude birthday cards

How we can help

Here at Mr. Inappropriate we like to help you not only with the process of buying the perfect naughty birthday card, but also giving you a hand with the messages that you might want to write inside it.

Mila is always here to help, but if you just want a list of ideas, here it is.

Cards for a friend

1. "Happy Birthday! You're one year closer to being that weird old person who yells at kids on their lawn."
2. "Congrats on being born a really long time ago. How does it feel to be an antique?"
3. "Happy Birthday! I would have gotten you a funny card, but at your age, laughing too hard might cause an injury."
4. "You're not old, you're just... oh wait, no, you're old. My bad."
5. "Here's to another year of questionable life decisions and regrettable morning-afters. Cheers, you magnificent disaster."
6. "If you were a dog, you'd be... well, you'd probably be dead by now. Happy Birthday anyway!"
7. "Happy Birthday! It's the perfect time to reflect on all your achievements. I'm sure it won't take long."
8. "Another year older, but not necessarily wiser. But who cares? Stupidity is more fun!"
9. "You're not aging like fine wine... more like milk. Happy Birthday!"
10. "You're at that age where your back goes out more than you do. Have fun not partying too hard."
11. "Happy Birthday! Don't think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic... and classics are often replaced with newer models."
12. "Happy Birthday! You've officially reached the age where your sneezes are considered a biohazard."
13. "It's your birthday! Time to celebrate surviving another year of making poor decisions and blaming it on your youth."
14. "Happy Birthday! If you were a cheese, you'd be mouldy by now. Good thing you're just old and not cheese."

Cards for a lover / boyfriend / girlfriend / husband / wife

1. "Happy Birthday, love! You're my favourite person to tolerate."
2. "Here's to another year of me pretending to listen to your stories. Happy Birthday!"
3. "Happy Birthday! I'm still madly in love with you, despite your snoring."
4. "You're the best partner anyone could ask for, mainly because you've lowered my standards so much. Happy Birthday!"
5. "Cheers to another year of me pretending not to notice you stealing my fries. Love you!"
6. "Happy Birthday! Remember, true love is spending one day a year buying the crap out of a list you’ve been handed."
7. "It's your birthday! Let's celebrate by spending the day in a way only one of us really enjoys."
8. "You're the reason I know true love exists. And also why I know what patience is. Happy Birthday!"
9. "Happy Birthday! My gift to you is the gift of my continued presence. Aren't you lucky?"
10. "To my dearest, for your birthday, I wanted to get you something special, something that makes you think of me forever... like a tattoo of my name. Too much?"
11. "Happy Birthday! You're everything I ever wanted in a partner, just a little bit more annoying."
12. "Here’s to you on your birthday! Being with you has been a wild adventure, mainly in the realm of patience and tolerance."
13. "Happy Birthday! It's incredible how you look so good for your age, considering all the complaining you do."
14. "Happy Birthday! I thought about getting you a cake but I didn't want to contribute to your future 'dad bod'."
15. "It's your special day! I hope it's filled with as much joy as you bring me... minus the occasional headache."
16. "Happy Birthday! Just think, this is the youngest you'll ever be again. And you thought you were old last year!"

Cards for a parent

1. "Happy Birthday, Mom/Dad! Thanks for the genes and the never-ending 'when I was your age' stories."
2. "Happy Birthday! Remember, you're not old, you're just... oh, who am I kidding? You're ancient."
3. "Cheers to the one who has tolerated me the longest. Happy Birthday, and good luck with me for another year."
4. "Happy Birthday to my favourite ATM and personal taxi service provider. Here's to many more years of freeloading!"
5. "It's your day! Time to celebrate another year of mastering the art of hiding your favourite snacks from us."
6. "Happy Birthday! I was going to get you a joke gift, but you already have me."
7. "To the parent who's been yelling my name for years, today we yell yours, but just for good reasons. Happy Birthday!"
8. "Here's to the person who tries to keep up with technology but still asks me to fix the TV. Happy Birthday!"
9. "Happy Birthday! It's impressive how you manage to be both my biggest fan and most honest critic."
10. "Thanks for giving me life and the incessant reminders about it. Happy Birthday!"
11. "Happy Birthday! Let's celebrate the only day of the year you're not complaining about something I did."
12. "Cheers to the person who's one year closer to senior discounts. Happy Birthday, and welcome to your prime thrifting years."
13. "Happy Birthday! You're the best parent ever, according to all the other parents you've compared me to."
14. "To the one who has the answer to everything except where my socks disappear to. Happy Birthday!"
15. "Happy Birthday! You're not just getting older; you're getting closer to becoming the quirky character in every family story."
16. "Here's to the person who's been around since dinosaurs roamed the earth. Just kidding, you're not that old... or are you? Happy Birthday!"
17. "Happy Birthday! Thanks for the love, care, and the occasional embarrassment in front of my friends."
18. "It's your birthday! Time to celebrate another year of skilfully avoiding my questions about where babies come from."
19. "To the one who's survived years of my shenanigans: Happy Birthday! May your patience continue to be an inspiration to us all."

Cards for a brother / sister

2. "Here's to another year of me being the favourite child. Happy Birthday, anyway!"
3. "Happy Birthday! Remember, you're not just older, you're also easier to annoy."
4. "Cheers to the sibling who has seen me at my worst and still decides to be seen with me in public. Questionable judgment, but Happy Birthday!"
5. "It's your birthday! The perfect day to celebrate the only person whose craziness matches mine."
6. "Happy Birthday! It's amazing how we've grown up together and somehow you still tolerate my existence."
7. "Happy Birthday! You're the reason I learned to be so good at sharing... my unwanted chores."
8. "Here's to the sibling who knows all my secrets and has somehow not used them against me yet. Happy Birthday, and let's keep it that way."
9. "Happy Birthday! If I had a dollar for every time you've annoyed me, I'd be rich enough to buy you a nicer present than this."
10. "Happy Birthday! It's a miracle how you've grown so old without maturing a bit."
11. "Cheers to the sibling who's been riding shotgun on my crazy train since day one. Happy Birthday, co-pilot of chaos!"
12. "It's your birthday! Let's celebrate the person who's always been in my shadow. Just kidding, you're my favourite shadow!"
13. "Happy Birthday! May your day be filled with as much happiness as you've taken away from me. Just kidding, love you!"
14. "Happy Birthday! Remember, no matter how old we get, I'll always be the smart one."
15. "To my sibling, who's essentially been life's way of teaching me conflict resolution. Happy Birthday!"
16. "Happy Birthday! I look forward to another year of pretending to laugh at your jokes."