Today's story is from a member of this group, he promised me that he's happy for me to share it, and his ex wife has also given her concent.
So he says.
This happened following a standard weekly visit to the pub.
Thirsty Thursday was our invention, it was a thing that happened every Thursday. I would go to the local pub straight from work with a couple of friends, and stay there until we got booted out seven hours and ten pints later.
Usually at some point during the evening Mr. Pissy would come to visit. I'm sure you've met him, he's the one that comes out to play after drinking too much.
He's the one with the tight green pants, bells on his ankles and a stupid hat. He prances about like a horny goat, tickles your important parts and causes all sorts of ridiculous havoc. He's a bit of a twat really, he's the one that pisses down your leg and unloads into your mouth when you're asleep at the end of the night. That taste in the morning? Yes that's his poo.
Anyway, after a normal night at the pub a the end of my street, and getting lost walking home, I finally fell up the stairs and passed out next to my wife (at the time).
A couple of hours later I went for a wee, and as I started, I could tell something was different.
I wasn't sure what, but something was different about the usual pissing experience.
Shrugging it off I carried on.
And still, it didn't feel right.
I knew what it was! It was the sound, it didn't sound right.
No matter, why did I care what it sounded like, I've never cared about wee-sound before. I ignored that thought and carried on squirting out what seemed like an unending stream of pi.ss.
No I thought, there is definitely something not right here, there is usually a splashing sound, and I don't hear any of that this time, there has to be a reason for that.
And then after really concentrating, I worked it out.
Yay - brilliant! I knew what was going on, and why it sounded different!
Oh fu.ck, no it was not brilliant. It was the opposite of brilliant.
I was, and had been for some time, pissing onto my side of the bed, with it splashing into my wife's face, as she woke up looking a bit confused, wiping her eyes.
Then she looked annoyed, which was fair enough. I was annoyed too, someone had done a wee on my side of the bed.
At least I didn't piss in the wardrobe (again). Once is exciting, twice is boring.
After I remembered how to think, I was very apologetic and amazingly she did see the funny side. She especially liked it when I told people about it at family gatherings. She may not have realised that she liked it, but she did, I could tell.
This happened a few years ago now, so it's water under the bridge, or rather piss on top of the bed (and down the sides and probably all over the floor and down the stairs too). Either way, there are no hard feelings about it, and I have to say, my wife was amazing, credit to her!
