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I was in a relationship I'd rather forget about now, but this story is worth telling, simply because the twerp needs showing up 😂 and if he knew I was writing this she'd die of shame .... Twice! 😂
He doesn't like people knowing his business or of the extra curriculum between the sheets! So I'm telling you all ...
It was coming up for his birthday, the relationship was fairly new-ish and I wanted to give him something he'd never forget.
I purchased the usual birthday card, and a few presents I know he wanted, but I wanted something with an element of surprise, a little zing.
He was a biker, listened to heavy metal, or rock music, he had the stereotypical long hair and a bushy full beard, tattoos, the works.
Thinking hard, I had a brainstorm (yes I did!), I thought I'll get my lady garden waxed.
Now I had never done anything like that before, not even my eyebrows, I had absolutely no idea what it entailed, I just thought it would be a nice surprise for him.
I plucked up the courage and strolled into a beauty parlour, looking about and studied the price list... Whaaa, what the fu.ck is all this stuff, Hollywood? just then the receptionist asked if she could help, I felt myself colour up a bit, I nervously giggled and said I wanted my down there done, as luck would have it, there was a slot free I could take there & then.
Ok cool ... What would you like madam?
Errr down there, I don't know what it's called, she started rattling out all the various things at me, I just want it smooth ya know... ok madam, that's a Hollywood, or what about a Brazilian? Brazilian? What the hell is that? Its all taken off except a little strip in the middle, the "Landing Strip" .....
Ohhhh I like the sound of that, sexy, yes I'll have the Brazilian
Please.
Please.
I was ushered through to a back room where the beautician was preparing her stuff.
This lady would like a Brazilian please Chrystal, cool name I thought smiling at her.
Take your bottom half off please madam and lay on the bed while we wait for the wax to warm up.
At this point I was beginning to feel vulnerable, I quickly dropped my drawers and hurriedly sat on the bench.
Lie back please, knees in the air feet together, now drop your knees, fu.ck sake it's like having a bloody smear, I covered my face as I felt so embarrassed showing a lady I don't even know my most private parts, then I felt the warm sensation of the wax, oohhh nice, sort of, then the wooden spatula smearing it about, at least I hope it was a spatula! then the paper went on, seconds later RRRIIIIIIPPPP, that was ok, nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be, piece of piss this, why does everyone say it kills, smiling to myself I laid there thinking of my hot night of passionate bliss that awaits me.
I was cleaned up, hauled my bloomers up and out I went grinning from ear to ear, proud of myself for not even flinching, and thinking my fella is going to love this.
Birthday celebration went off well, cooked a special meal, he loved his regular gifts, all was rounding off nicely, the film on tv had ended, I whispered in his ear, there one special present for you to go yet, as I twiddled his beard, Oh right he said grinning, running into the bathroom for the nightly ablutions, I went in after him and told him to get the bed warmed up for me.
Spruced up I couldn't wait for him to experience my newly groomed lady bits.
We were getting on with it, as you do..
Then he noticed, OHH!!
Whats this, mmmmmm corrrrr, I smiled to myself as he was mmmmm ing on his way down, I thought I'd cracked it, one of the best birthdays ever for him, but my illusion was shattered, he stopped and laid next to me saying sorry.....
Fuc.king Sorry!?
You serious ... What? whats up? I can't he replied, can't?
Fuc.king can't? What the hell, why? ....
Would you believe his answer?
A tattooed biker long hair & a full beard, couldn't because my "Landing Strip" was too " Prickly"!!!
Needless to say, he was out of the door not long after that little episode. I think I showed him just how prickly I could be.
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What would you do? Same probably? I mean if you were her, or him actually :)
