• Last order date for Christmas: 18th December

    You might want to order earlier as Royal Mail can be slow at this time of year!
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Small Candle - Aged Smegma

Small Candle - Aged Smegma

£7.97
£6.97 £7.97
Sale Sold out
Tax included. Shipping calculated at checkout.

Ships Next Day (Mon-Fri)

How big is it?

The candle measures 7.5cm diameter by 7cm height and has a burning time of 20 hours.

What does it really smell of?

Cosy and lovely vanilla! Sorry, I know that's disappointing...

Can you send it to my loved one?

Yes sure, just put their address as the shipping address when you check out!

If you want to also send them a card, we can print a message in it for you. Just find the card that you want and you'll see a checkbox that says 'SEND TO LOVED ONE AND ADD A MESSAGE'. Just check this box and type your message, and we'll print and send it with your candle.

How will it be packaged?

Your candle will be packaged with tissue in a lovely thick cardboard presentation box (see photo).

It'll then be packaged by hand in a cardboard box, nested in a load of kraft dunnage or maybe bubble wrap.

Can I talk with you to check something?

Sure, call me on 01138730688 or email me at dan@mrinappropriate.co.uk, or use the little chat thingy at the bottom right.

How much does shipping cost?

It will actually cost you less then it costs me, so don't worry, you won't get a horrible surprise when you check out.

You'll see a dropdown on the checkout page where you can choose the method you want to use.

When will I get it?

If you order before 23:00 we'll send your order the next working day.

If you also order mugs, water bottles and anything fabric, they will arrive separately because they are printed to order.

You can choose from various shipping methods when you check out, the quickest being Royal Mail Tracked 24.

You'll notice that the cost of shipping is less than what it costs me.

“My 2nd purchase from here and I wasn't disappointed, great products and excellent communication from Dan, keep up the good work” - Steve Rowley, Stoke-on-Trent

As the title says, I have to come clean, pun intended, which is why I've never allowed any sort of build up to check.

To check what it actually smells of.

So this candle definitely does not smell of what the labels says it does, unless smeagle smells of vanilla, which I very much doubt.

If you have any experience of this sort of smell, please do(n't) tell me all about it.

So in essence this is just a joke candle, sorry to disappoint.  Although now I think about it, it's probably better that way.

Get one for your house, put it on the mantlepiece or coffee table, and if nothing else, your gusts will realise what an amazing sense of humour you have!

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Customers rate us 5.0/5 based on 1124 reviews.

“Absolutely brilliant, good quality, fast delivery, and a good bit of rude humour! Excellent customer service from an actual human too.” - Alicia Caulfield, Newcastle upon Tyne

Mr. Inappropriate

Imagine their face when they open it

Will they be surprised? Impressed? Offended? Will they giggle and drop a bit of wee into their pants.

Will they get a glimpse of what you're really like?

I hope so, you should be proud of how naughty you can be.

We get it

Every day you have to behave yourself and do all of the stupid crap that society expects you to.

You have to wear the right clothes, keep your job, be polite, try not to wave your important parts around in public, and remember not to say naughty words or offend anyone.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break, release some pressure and do something bad.

You owe it to yourself, and to your friends.  They’ll love you more for it, I can promise you that.

Read more about what we can do for you

More questions

Can I get a refund if I don't like it?

If you don't like your candle, just email me (dan@mrinappropriate.co.uk) within 30 days and I'll give you a full refund including postage, no questions asked.

You don't even need to send it back!

What is it made from?

At least 50% of the wax in this product is renewable and plant-based.

The labels are made from expensive matte stickers with an embossed texture.

What when it's burnt out?

When the candle has burnt itself out you can use the glass to store nails and toenails.

What safety advice do you have?

Never leave a burning candle unattended and keep away from things that can catch fire.

Who or what is Mila?

Mila is our very own naughty little AI-driven assistant. Have a chat with her and see what happens!

  • Mr. Inappropriate

    All orders before 11pm sent next working day; mugs, water bottles and anything fabric will be sent a couple of days later.

  • Mr. Inappropriate

    Full refund, no need to send back, just email us, no questions asked.

Or amaze them with a bundle!

Why?

With so many of us suffering from anxiety and depression, we need a way out, an escape, a way to break through the stupid social norms.

Our aim at Mr. Inappropriate is to give you a break from all that, be yourself, and have a laugh.

My name is Dan, I’m the founder of Mr. Inappropriate and I firmly believe that we’re not designed to live like this.

We haven’t changed much since the time when we ran around with a spear chasing something to fuck or eat, or escaping from someone else doing that.

And now, we have to deal with emails, debt, job and a million other things, not to mention the fact we’re not allowed to express ourselves anymore for fear of offending someone.

If you’re feeling stressed and anxious it’s hardly surprising.  

Let us help by giving you a moment to escape, have a giggle and not give a shit.

And help your friends do the same!

And get a set of cards

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  • Mr. Inappropriate

    Custom card message and send it directly to your recipient.

  • Mr. Inappropriate

    All designs are hand drawn in our home office near Leeds.

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Customer Reviews

Based on 10 reviews
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K
K Williams (Grantham, GB)
Smeg-tastic

I live this product and can't wait for the recipient to receive it. It's a cute quirky gift that I know will have them in fits of laughter. Smells smegtastically delightful

C
Christopher Gilboy (Wandsworth, GB)
Delicious aroma

I was in the market for a unique candle and aroma. I stumbled across this wonderful store, and they had exactly what I was looking for. Fast shipping and a great price. I can't wait to light my aged smegma candle when I next have guests round.

J
Joanne Davies (Northwich, GB)
Great

Looking forward to seeing the look at my friends face when she opens this. Looks great!

V
Vashti Perrott (Gravesend, GB)
Aged smegma candle

Had to buy this candle while giggling like a school girl 🤣
It smells like vanilla, hope it smells great when my friend burns it lol

M
M.J. (Manchester, GB)
Great Candles, both in smell and wit !

Didn't really know what to expect, but these small candles are great as a funny gift, Great smell also ! would recommend this friendly and fast service

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