Although the most prominent thing we do on this website is sell inappropriate cards and gifts, we also like to share some stories.
In this one I'd like to tell you to tell you how I accidentally farted on an old woman in Currys PC World.
I was there to return a pair of speakers I'd bought for £6.99 the week before.
Admittedly they were a bit cheap, but nonetheless, I was offended by them, I couldn't help it. They were horrible wanky little bits of plastic that just didn't deserve to exist. I usually never get offended by anything, but this was clearly an exception.
So anyway, after trying to explain to the very important sales assistant, I eventually got a refund. Feeling a little saddened and annoyed with myself and Clive the sales assistant, I started to walk towards the exit.
As I was walking through the swivel chair section, I felt that lovely rumbling feeling in my tummy, and we all know what that means.
Something was brewing, and would soon be in the pipe ready for delivery.
By the time I reached the automatic doors I could feel that it was ripe.
It was ready to sprout.
So I stopped on the threshold of the doorway and leaned forward resting my palms on my knees, and squeezed as hard as I could.
I knew it was a risk, expressing myself with such force, but I figured it was worth it.
It was a sincere expression of my disrespect which I felt needed to be heard.
Not just because how I'd been treated but how Clive might speak to other more delicate people.
Just as I was two-thirds of the way through expelling what ended up being about three litres of pump, I felt something bump into me.
I turned around to find that a lovely old woman who was following me out a little closer than intended, didn't notice that I'd stopped, and proceeded to walk into me as I was partway through my announcement.
On reflection this probably wasn't what she was expecting.
She might have been hoping for it, but not expecting it.
Feeling a little sorry, I gave her a very kind smile and graciously apologised, to which she seemed grateful of the attention.
For this lovely old dear, this was a happy moment; I had the feeling she was looking for a little human interaction and was happy to accept it in any form.
There is a lesson in this story. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm sure it's a very good one.
Please email me if you know what it is as I'd love to know.
