This one is brought to you by a lovely lady who is a member of this email group, I hope you like it!
I used to belong to a company of Church bell ringers. It was a fantastic hobby, it kept you fit believe it or not, and you had to use your brain once you started getting into the complicated peels, I wont go into details as its not what this story is about. I will say though most bell ringers are very serious about their ringing, and belong to the Church they ring at, then there's me 😂
It was coming up to Christmas, we’d been practising hard, ringing for the early Christmas services that start at the beginning of December, we even started hand bell ringing, visiting old peoples homes and entertaining them with our bongs and tinkles probably out of tempo and clashing but never the less, the oldies loved us.
Then our group were told the county ringers were having a meal and entertainment at a big prestigious Hotel in our town, I lovingly called it “The Bell Ringers Ball”, WHOOP YEH! I love nights out (but this wasn’t a drunken throw caution to the wind type night).
I was told I’d better behave (they knew me so well 🙄 I managed to get stuck in Postman Pats van when we were collecting for charity up town a few nights before).
I promised to be on my best behaviour 😁, so I thought I’d better get dressed up, I cant turn up in faded jeans a t shirt, and manky trainers, plus if I was dressed up and uncomfortable I’m more likely to behave. So off I trot to my bestie, I never dress up or wear make up do my hair, I’m just me. I enlisted the help of my mate, and she had her niece come round to do my hair and put make up on etc while my mate sifted through her posh clothing for something suitable for me to wear.
I’m not joking I looked a million dollars, it was quite a shock, I looked so different. My friend came down her stairs with a smart Black two piece suit, consisting of trousers and a little waist length jacket cut into the waist, it didn't join together it just hung, there was a little Gold Chain that just linked the two sides. I didn't have a top to go with it though, I tried numerous tops I couldn't get into most of them, being ‘slightly’ 😂 larger than my friend. Out came this little white button up boob tube, I had to take my bra off as it showed over the top of the little top. I squeezed my mahoosive jugs into this little top and my friend quickly did the buttons up. It looked funny with my squished boobs inside, resembling two inch thick pancakes filling the top up, I daren't move, but surprisingly the little top held, it didn’t look so bad with the jacket over the top of it. I looked good, and felt good, just a little restricted. My mate dropped me off at the Hotel, there were hundreds of people in the car park, I started to panic, I dint recognise anyone, men in suits, ladies dressed to the nines in cocktail dresses, some were very posh, I spotted a couple I knew who came to our tower a few times I waddled over to them keeping my back straight, I smiled and asked which room we were going to, they didn’t bloody recognise me! Then I spotted my crowd, so I waddled off to them, “Thank God” I said “I thought I’d got the wrong Hotel” , I got a strange look off everyone, then the penny dropped! “ Bloody hell, didn’t recognise you”, lots of compliments about how well I scrubbed up, and off we went to our room.
The meal went well, the only hitch was me forgetting what I’d ordered, and eating everybody's left over Profiter rolls.. Waste not, n all that. I was feeling pretty chuffed with myself, and I could see my tower captain breathing a sigh of relief that I did actually behave. The Rector was attending and was giving a speech whilst we all listened and digested our grub, I was knocking back a few beers, and a Cocktail or two, wondering what the entertainment was going to be… Then we were told to make our way to the dance floor, my heart sank, not sodding ballroom dancing, please God no, not a stupid duet either with a little electronic piano. We all made our way through, the lights were dimmed, the old preverbal Glitter Ball was slowly turning with the reflection blobs dancing around the room, then the music kicked in… It was a DISCO!!! Yahoo, but wait, what nobody dancing? they all sat around the room just staring at an empty dance floor, the Rector was walking around with his camera taking photos, I just sat and had a few more beers. I started to get comfortable and asked a few people from my group to dance, nope, couldn't budge them… Then, joy of joys, the DJ only put the “Time Warp” on. YAY C’Mon I shouted shimmying to the dance floor, I knew all the moves. There I was, on my own in the middle of the dance floor, everybody watching me, the Rector with his camera started to climb up on the table in front of me, I had no care in the world, I was away with the music and alcohol. It came to the bit at this point where the lyrics said “ lets do the Time Warp Again” where you fling your right arm up, followed by your left in time to the music, up shot my right arm, then my left, up went the little jacket and the boob tube flew up around my neck and my jugs were on show for everyone to see, the Rector screamed out “Oh my Goodness” as he toppled the table and fell off it, another old chap choked on his drink, my tower captain just slapped her hands over her eyes, her hubby sat there open mouthed, there was a bit of a commotion, I frantically tried to tuck my tits into the little top and straighten myself up, the DJ nearly wet himself laughing, looking around all I could see were wide eyes, I headed for my table, and sat down.
The night didn’t last much longer after that. I became somewhat of a celebrity after that, the Rector said he couldn't look me in the face anymore 😂
Think I’ll just stick to my grubby jeans and t shirt, I know I’m safe like that.
If you have a story of your own, let me know and get in touch!
Cheers,
Dan