How do you do it?
Share
There are a few things that we do every day but never talk about. The one I want to address in this email is wiping your bum. The others can wait for another time.
This is a genuine question, I’d like to know when you wipe your bum, do you wipe:
A: front to back?
B: back to front?
C: cross-ways to the side?
And then once you’ve wiped for the first time, do you check the paper to see what you’ve collected and whether you need to go in for a second helping?
And how many pieces of paper do you use per wipe? Do you fold them or scrunch them into a ball?
Or maybe you’re more creative and:
A: Put a big pile on the floor and ski over it like a terrier.
B: Relax your hole and stuff it in as far as you can, to clean the inside of your pipe.
C: Violently wipe 75 times, inadvertently squeezing a little bit out each time guaranteeing the need for another wipe.
D: Gently pat your aperture and lovingly wipe away any excess, being sure not a hurt your sacred area.
And when you’re done do you check what’s in the pan?
Or do you check before it gets covered by the first piece of paper?
Or do you check before it gets covered by the first piece of paper?
Do you make a nest with paper first to dampen the impact?
Do you lean back to prevent it from hitting the back wall and leaving a skidder?
I don’t expect you to answer all of these, but I’d love an answer to any of them if you’re sufficiently bored.
Actually this reminds me, a few years ago we used to keep a spoon in the downstairs toilet, just in case.........
